Masorti Australasia

The Daily Minyan - Finding a Center of Comfort

AFTER her son Adam was killed in a car accident on Mother's Day last year at the age of 27, Anita E. Rayman of Dix Hills was so upset that she did not want to recite Kaddish, the Jewish prayer for the dead.
She really didn't want to go to services. ''But our rabbi said that every time you say Kaddish, Adam will hear it,'' Mrs. Rayman said. ''So I felt that this was my connection to Adam, that I could communicate to him'' through the prayer.

Reciting Kaddish is not something an observant Jew can do alone, though. Religious law requires a quorum of 10 Jews, called a minyan, for a number of ceremonial purposes, including reciting Kaddish. So Mrs. Rayman, a sales executive, and her husband, Harold, started going to the Dix Hills Jewish Center twice a day for services. Mrs. Rayman said they always found a minyan there.

That makes the center something of a rarity on Long Island. Although many Orthodox synagogues hold three services daily, no other Conservative synagogues in Suffolk County -- and only a handful in Nassau -- consistently have a minyan for prayer services more than once a day. About 15 to 20 people attend the center's morning and evening services every weekday, and about 50 attend the Sunday morning service. The annual minyan barbecue for the regulars attracts about 100 people.

''I consider the daily minyan the heart and soul of the synagogue,'' said Rabbi Howard R. Buechler, the Dix Hills center's spiritual leader. ''It's the predicate of why we exist as a synagogue -- to be open and welcoming and a place of prayer.''

It works for Mrs. Rayman. ''The people there were so nice and comforting,'' she said. ''In the small minyan room in which prayers were held, I felt so safe.''

''The people there became my extended family,'' she said.

Kaddish is an ancient prayer in Aramaic that does not refer to death, but rather expresses the mourner's faith in God and wish for peace. Jews are obliged to recite it for 11 months after the death of each parent; the formal period may be shorter for some other close relatives who die, but in practice, most mourners follow the 11-month rule in all cases.

Mrs. Rayman said that going to the center to recite the prayer ''gave me a reason to wake up in the morning.'' The mourning period for Adam is over, but the Raymans still attend services. ''The need for comfort has not ended,'' Mr. Rayman said.

Rabbi Buechler said that one of the roles of the minyan ''is to inspire people in their Jewish journeys.''

''Many people who come to the minyan over time not only become much more comfortable and fluent in daily prayer, but they are inspired to deepen their connection to our synagogue and Jewish life,'' he said.

The Dix Hills daily minyan draws people from as far away as Glen Cove and Oakdale, each a half-hour's drive away; the regulars range in age from their late 20's to their 80's. Rabbi Buechler chooses one to lead the service, which lasts 30 to 45 minutes. Some prayers are recited silently, others aloud.

Zachary Hanan, 63, of Oakdale, said that he started attending daily when his father died last May. ''I find it to be very inviting,'' he said. ''It's like a support group.''

Lauren B. Kurland, 28, a lawyer who lives in Dix Hills, said she began attending with her husband and father after her mother died in 2003.

''I started doing it because this is what Jewish law says you are supposed to do,'' she said. ''But as I continued to come, it became therapeutic and a comfort to me. It was a way to honor my mother's memory and to gain comfort from others in the community.''

Mrs. Kurland said she was taught that each time she recited Kaddish, the soul of the deceased was lifted to a higher place in heaven.

''It's a wonderful feeling to be able to do that,'' she said.

Dr. Harvey S. Finkelstein, 49, an anesthesiologist from Dix Hills, said he and several other men in the group make a point of attending twice a day so that others can share that feeling. He finished the mourning period for his mother more than a year ago.

Congregations across the Island often struggle to find a minyan when one is needed. So many people commute to distant towns that it can be very difficult even for the most willing participants to be at the synagogue twice a day. ''It requires a tremendous amount of loyalty and devotion,'' Rabbi Buechler said. ''The truth of it is, men and women have to rearrange their work schedule and make a commitment to the long haul. It's not about convenience.''

Some synagogues operate phone chains to find the required number, or divide up the calendar and assign weeks of minyan duty.

Some other faiths have also found it difficult to sustain daily prayer services in recent years. Some Roman Catholic parishes have curtailed weekday Masses for want of worshipers, altar servers or priests.

The minyan regulars in Dix Hills offer a variety of reasons for attending. Dr. Finkelstein cited ''the sense that you were starting the day with a purpose -- it gave more meaning to the day.''